BEST BUTT SONGS

Butt, Ass, Booty.

Seat, Fanny, Keister.

Tailfeather.  Tushie.  Derriere. 

The list could go on and on. 

We’ve got more words in the English language to describe the part of the body with which we sit than the Eskimos do for snow. (Probably, this is unsubstantiated). Modern rock, hip-hop and dance music wouldn’t be half of what it is without songs about butts. (Seriously, could you imagine if we were still talking about holding hands? Music would have gone by the wayside faster than memes your grandmother shares).  We want our music to have a little meat to it, something to hold onto. There are entire GENRES of music defined around the butt (Butt Rock, Booty House, Asscore) for crying out loud!  So we thought we’d compile a list of some of our favorite songs about our (and your?) favorite body part. 

It’s just better when we’re talking bout the booty.

BIG FREEDIA - Y’ALL GET BACK NOW

If we were to pick our favorite early 2010’s jams about booty poppin and twerking it would be an easy tie between Big Freedia’s “Y’all get Back Now” and Diplo’s “Express Yourself.”  We figure Diplo gets enough press that we don’t need to pile on anymore here. While on the other hand Freedia, largely responsible for popularizing the genre of bounce (from which Diplo would eventually find himself cribbing from), deserves all the love she can get.  This is Big Freedia at her best: raw, wild and talking about butts.  Try not to shake it to this one. Dare you.

DESTINY’S CHILD - BOOTYLICIOUS

Bootylicious is in the dictionary.  For real. In 2004 the Oxford English Dictionary added the word to their legendary lexicon. After the wild success of three sexy, voluptuous women singing about being sexy and voluptuous they just couldn’t contain themselves any longer. With that kind of cred, if you still have any doubt about this being a butt anthem, then y’all need to get your head screwed on right.  I know the Bey-hive is on board.

QUEEN - FAT BOTTOM GIRLS

Freddie Mercury wasn’t publically out by the time Jazz was released in 1978, but I think it’s safe to assume that the girls in “Fat Bottomed Girls” are more gender-fluid than the lyrics are letting on.  Queen, are empowering men and women of one particular shape and size-- those with a wide caboose.  Butt so big it doesn’t fit in the seats on an airplane? Well then, friend... Queen is there for you. May your wide butt serve you embarrassment no longer.

SIR MIX-A-LOT- BABY GOT BACK

This song is an undeniable jam. Sir Mix-A-Lot maybe doesn’t offer a lot of subtlety with his lyrics, but that also wasn’t the game in 1986.  This song (though an obvious choice, perhaps THE obvious choice-- all the more reason to have it if you ask me) could be included for the music video alone. Seriously, this one broke the nation. “Oh my God Becky, look at her butt,” is quickly followed by Mix-A-Lot rapping from on top of an enormous yellow booty. That’s the butt wonderland we hope one day to live in.

MYSTIKAL - SHAKE YA ASS (FEAT. PHARELL)

We graduate with this one-two punch of Sir Mix-A-Lot to Mystikal from eighties to 2000s rap.  Still a complete and utter lack of subtlety, but who’s asking. Instead, we trade-off with a killer funky beat from The Neptunes and the kind of hook that’ll be stuck in your brain for eternity. Mystikal doesn’t have a lot to do on the track, but keeping it simple helped this one to become a party anthem for the past 19 years. Put this one on in the club today and it’s still guaranteed to get those asses shaking. Show me what you’re working with...

SPINAL TAP - BIG BOTTOM

In the eighties, hair metal reigned supreme and boy did those dudes love a nice big butt.  Respect to Warrant and Dokken, but did any of them actually live up to Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer’s parody version? I don’t think so.  “Big Bottom” from 1984’s This is Spinal Tap feels like every single hair metal band combined into one, a perfect amalgamation of the scene as a whole. This song is so good and right on the money that 25 years later it hardly even feels like a joke. 

BLACK EYED PEAS- MY HUMPS

With this one the Black Eyed Peas might have lost a lot of respect from their hip-hop fans, but they definitely gained massive points from the butt community.  Will.i.am wants to know what the ladies out there are gonna do with all that fine ass junk in the trunk, and Fergie-- taking the lead for the first time-- is there to tell them.  I’m going to be honest; when I was a young lad and this song came out, I definitely thought they were talking about boobs. I’m still not entirely sure that they’re not, but I think we can comfortably loop all fleshy parts of the body together for this one.

IGGY POP - BUTT TOWN

Hop in the car, we’re taking a ride to Butt Town. One stroll around Iggy Pop’s fantasy city and you’ll come to agree that there’s no paradise better than a metropolis where everybody’s got a real nice metropol-ass. I don’t know if this song is being facetious or just fun, but I like to think that confusion was a major part of Iggy Pop’s charm.  I say don’t read too much into this one, just embrace the place that is Butt Town.

JUSTIN MARTIN & ARDALAN - FUNCTION FEAT. PARTYPATTY

I’m a house head. So I’d be majorly remiss if I wasn’t able to get at least one booty house jam on the list. Artists from the San Francisco based Dirtybird label are the Kings of Queens of getting butts shaking, but no song ever gets em movin’ harder than Justin Martin & Ardalan’s “Function.”  With that wobbling, left-field bass and PartyPatty on the hook, it’s nigh impossible not to shake your ass at the function (or the club) when this one comes on the speakers. 

KC & THE SUNSHINE BAND - (SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE) SHAKE YOUR BOOTY

Moving from the club, straight to the wedding.  If this song isn’t on your wedding playlist, it’s like will it even be a good marriage?  (Shit, now that I think about it, I don’t think it was on mine…. **bites nails nervously**).  KC & the Sunshine Band’s “Shake Your Booty” is the kind of butt anthem that the whole family can get behind. These positive disco vibes can get everybody grooving-- unlike some of these other picks that are distinctly NOT going to make everybody happy.  It’s as friendly for Grandma as it is for Lil Justin.  We Are: The Guard wedding approved!

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From deep within the murky depths of the Los Angeles River emerged a creature: 50% raver, 50% comedian, 10% Robotcop. Kurt Kroeber doesn’t own a dog, operates Soundbleed (the world’s only dance party comedy talk show rave), and is down to party with you. Come up some time and say “Hey dude!” But definitely make sure to casually drop the secret Illuminati password.