8 INSTAGRAM MOMENTS: DRAKE HAS NO FRIENDS HIS AGE
by Calvin Paradise
10/19/18
Despite the tireless work of our nation’s publicists (AKA Failed Journalists) and countless overly earnest puff-pieces and profiles, one thing about our celebrity obsessed culture remains clear: The Lives of the Rich and Famous look absolutely nothing like yours and mine.
Sure they probably feel and go through similar emotions, but fame has a way of making your life a highly choreographed and calculated dance. Nothing about this sort of existence is real and the bulk of your relationships are 100% sycophantic.
To top it all off the bulk of your life plays out in the public square, which means you’re constantly acting like someone who’s being watched, because, well, you are. This means none of your actions come about organically, but from a place in which you know you’re being observed and doing your best to present yourself in an appealing light. Your public persona is entirely a mirage.
Or put a slightly different way: Don’t you know all this shit is fantasy?
And fantasy is a great source of escapism. So let’s leave behind the doldrums of normie live for a few moments and see what famous musicians are posting these days.
DRAKE HAS NO FRIENDS HIS AGE
Cool Dad Jay Z will turn 49 this year, meaning he’s approximately 18 years older than Drake. This of course means their age difference is too old for Audrey to date.
Can someone please introduce the softest rapper in the game to some folks his own age? Or at the very least inform him that grooming 16 year olds is predatory behavior?
CARDI B MIGHT HAVE AN ICONICALLY OBNOXIOUS VOICE
Why do we need new things when we can perpetually regurgitate what has already been? This is the only question pop culture seems to be asking at the moment.
Having said that, I’m here for a Nanny reboot starring Cardi B, but let’s leave Fran out of this.
I’m not heartless though and will allow for a token cameo or two from Ms. Drescher.
50 CENT AND EMINEM “HANG OUT”
View this post on InstagramHappy Birthday to my Boy EM enjoy your Big Time. #bellator #lecheminduroi
I’ve been staring at this photo of Dre’s proteges for at least 5 minutes and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s photoshopped. Just me?
SNOOP, THE PEOPLE’S CHAMP
Despite the quasi-celebrity bashing that has taken place in this post so far, I have nothing but love for Snoop, and not just because we share the same first name. What I respect most about Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr. is that he actually tried at rapping for like 4-5 years tops, and he’s managed to turn that in to an absurdly lucrative career that’s about to enter it’s fourth decade. Now that is true greatness.
I want an entire account dedicated to kids dressing up like Snoop.
POST MALONE UNDERSTANDS GOOD VALUE
Say what you will about White Iverson and the Olive Garden, but those breadsticks are good as hell. You can watch the entirety of Jimmy and Post’s visit to the OG here.
GIVE LOVE A CHANCE
Chance the Rapper has more money than you and everyone you know, but he at least has the good sense not to flex round the clock. His engagement party to Kirsten Corley was beautifully understated and tasteful. I have no snark to add here. It looks really nice.
LADY LESHURR HAS BARS FOR DAYS
Will close with a gal who’s not nearly famous enough. The dental hygiene advocate is an exceptional talent who’s freestyle skills appear to be on the opposite end of the spectrum from Iggy Azalea’s.
-
Enjoy the weekend (if you get it).
Calvin Paradise is not any one thing. The half-hearted vagabond and forgetful luddite currently resides in Los Angeles and how he spends his time is none of your damned business.