Poll Results: What Santa's bringing Lana Del Rey
by Jess Grant
12/24/12
This is Santa Claus and I'm in DEEP SHIT! I thought I had finished Christmas shopping. But then I remembered. CRAP! I haven't bought Lana Del Rey anything! I'd better get her SOMETHING in return for all those blowies she gave me in 2k12. But what do you buy a girl who has everything (well, apart from a good voice, that is)? Fuck knows! So that is why I got BitCandy to ask you geniuses over at Facebook (this week's Poll: What's Azealia Banks' New Years Resolution?")
Dancho Velasco suggested I bring Lana a pair of “blue jeans.” C'mon, Dancho - you should know by now that Liz don't wear no jeans when she sits on old mens' laps like mine:
Jennifer Alejandra Gutierrez and Ernesto Martinez Perez proposed I purchase LDR a “rich daddy.” But, OH SNAP, that's already covered:
Karla Ivonne Garcia Torres and four others said I should invest in some “more haters” for Lana. No sweat - though I may have difficulty finding her “more lovers,” as recommended by Bruno Parkour and ten others.
Oscar Luna and six others thought LDR would love some “vaginal weights.” Well, I admit, all that “just riding” isn't doing her vadge ANY favors:
Kevin Guadalupe and twelve others voted for “more lip filler/botox.” If you say so...:
But with an overwhelming 127 VOTES...it looks like Lana D could be getting a “pussy that tastes like Pepsi Cola” for Christmas! Now I'll drink to that...:
There are still a few hours to go until I deliver Lana Del Rey's Christmas gift, so if you have any last minute suggestions, let old Santa know over at Facebook! And feel free to give BitCandy a “like” while you're at it – it's Christmas for goodness sake!
Don't worry. We actually love some of Lana's songs, so look out for our Best Song of 2012 Post "Video Games." So there.
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