Review Roundup: December 2012
by Jess Grant
12/20/12
It may be Christmas, but BitCandy are PI$$ED OFF at the shittay music that Santa Claus filled our stockings with this month. I mean, Scott Walker – dafuk?! Despite what Pitchfork may tell you, Bish Bosch is a total POOPER. Back to the retirement home! And hey, Lana and Ke$h - quit telling us what your pussies smell like, k?! But thank baby Jesus, it isn't all bad. Dirty Projectors, Cemeteries, School of Seven Bells and Big Boi all managed to score a 7+, and in Big Boi's case, a sneaky peaky at our Trans Am vadge...
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Dirty Projectors – About To Die EP – Rating: 8.2
When you’re assembling your list of artists that had a big 2012, you’ve got to include Frank Ocean, Japandroids, Grizzly Bear, Grimes, and Beach House, but don’t forget Dirty Projectors. In July, the Brooklyn-based act released its sixth album, Swing Lo Magellan, an inspired collection of experimental folk-rock. At just four songs, Dirty Projector’s follow-up EP, About To Die, almost feels like another reason to revisit Swing Lo’s greatness (read more...).
Cemeteries – The Wilderness – Rating: 7.5
Cemeteries is Kyle J. Reigle, a guy from Buffalo, NY, who reportedly recorded his debut, The Wilderness, in his bedroom. Lots of great bands, like Grizzly Bear, Iron & Wine, or Passion Pit, originally began out as bedroom projects, then expanded their lineups. Others, like Panda Bear, kept things small. We’ll have to wait and see which way Reigle heads, but The Wilderness is an exciting debut (read more...).
School of Seven Bells – Put Your Sad Down – Rating: 8.2
I stared blankly at my computer screen for close to an hour trying to come up with a clever headline for this review, but in the end I decided Put Your Sad Down was such a tremendous name for an EP that I shouldn't sully with my own (likely unfunny) words. I would argue that the title alone puts this latest effort from School of Seven Bells in the running for "Best Music 2012." Thankfully, the music also puts this EP in contention for that entirely hypothetical honor (read more...).
Lana Del Rey – Paradise – Rating: 3.7
“I’m fucking crazy.” “My pussy tastes like Pepsi cola.” How’s that for getting your attention? The new LDR EP, Paradise, has finally arrived. Yeahy, just in time for Black Friday. I’ll make sure to have someone waiting in line at BestBuy for me. I wouldn’t want to be the only hipster without my copy. Just kidding, I’d rather spend my money sitting on Santa’s lap. Hey, I guess Lana and I have something in common: we both sit on older men. That’s beside the point (read more...).
Big Boi - Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors – Rating: 7.8
Woah...take it easy there, Big Boi. How ‘bout we take it slow for now. Let us listen to yo shit before we say yes to dropping our panties and giving you a show. Yeah? Ok! All this traveling and touring has done a lot of good for Big Boi. The tracks below sound like sweet redemption to us. Thank you baby Jesus! His previous album fell flat and was proudly featured in our Posers category...but it looks like we’re in for a true ride à la Atlanta style (read more...).
Ke$ha – Warrior – Rating: 4.1
Before you run out and pick up the queen of cock-pop’s latest album, Warrior, let me give you the down and dirty. Word of advice, the album sounds better after drinking 40oz of warm Budweiser *BURP.* What? Not your beer of choice? Fine, a PBR should do the job. Part of the reason why the dumpster diva’s new album is $ooooo bad (the sales numbers will prove it) is because it’s totally lacking in melodies and anything that will have any staying power past the Christmas season (read more...).
Scott Walker - Bish Bosch – Rating: 1.1
This is the pinnacle example of a critically acclaimed album that is 100% unlistenable. Like, if you make it through three full songs and haven't run to the kitchen looking for some type of blade (hell, I would even consider using cardboard from my Captain Crunch cereal) to slit your wrists, then maybe you're some type of Superman. But just like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark -- that scene at the end where they had shut off all their senses so their heads wouldn't explode into a million pieces -- it's kinda like listening to this album (read more...).
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Thanks for tuning into BitCandy's final Review Roundup of 2012! We will be back next year with more reviews to make you laugh, cry and in many cases, both... We're now off for a can of Pepsi cola...oh wait...BARF:
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