WTF: HOW CLAUSE 51.3 IN CONGRESS’S “MUSIC MATTERS” BILL IS SET TO AFFECT YOUR FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTISTS

Img: Creative Commons, Wikimedia

It’s true manipulation the way they sneak in sub-clauses and legal loopholes as part of these fifty page government bills that nobody actually reads all the way through. Well except AOC, that is. Our interest was piqued on this particular topic after Atlanta-based Ken Car$on took to Twitter this week to express his feelings about having to change his artist name. Wait, huh? Exactly.

Let’s catch you up: The Music Matters Bill, which is set to increase the federal budget for music education in schools across America, has been put into motion by Congress this week. While on the surface, this seems like a worthwhile endeavor, there are a number of sub-clauses that have us scratching our heads. The major catch, and we offer our nod to the up and coming rapper for filling us in on this, is a sub-clause that makes it illegal to use $ signs in your artist name unless your CPA files with Spotify and Apple your tax returns.

???????WHAT?????

Ken Carson (fka Ken Car$on writes): “Hell no they aren’t getting my tax returns. This is some absolute bull$hit if you ask me.” Carson was an early adopter to the change, altering his Twitter handle nearly immediately after the bill went into action for fear of litigation. Rappers, once known for being more flagrant in challenging the law with their lyrical content, are expected to be amongst the most harshly affected.

The details of the bill are shaky (mostly because we haven’t read it), but we really hope there’s some actual benefit for the children here… The murmurings on Reddit have understood the naming clause as thus: those filing a tax return showing upwards of 1 Million dollars in yearly salary get to use ONE “$” and at 5 Million dollars you can use TWO $$s. This ratio expands exponentially and apparently artists must change their name accordingly. A$AP Ferg will henceforth be known as now A$$$$AP Ferg, and New York City Subway busker Bobby Mori$$on must change his name back to just Bobby Morrison. After a brief flirtation with the music game, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has recently returned to his producer alias Don't Doubt Your Vibe. Though the billionaire is expected to release his music going forward exclusively as NFTs under the name Elon Mu$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$k.

Sounds like a major shift in the industry if you ask us. Looking to see how this shakes out. If you happen to be someone who is easily duped, please remember to check the date at the top of this article.

From deep within the murky depths of the Los Angeles River emerged a creature: 50% raver, 50% comedian, 10% Robotcop. Kurt Kroeber doesn’t own a dog, operates Soundbleed (the world’s only dance party comedy talk show rave), and is down to party with you. Come up some time and say “Hey dude!” But definitely make sure to casually drop the secret Illuminati password.