LET’S KILL THESE SONGS FOREVER: 21 SAVAGE, OFFSET, METRO BOOMIN - RIC FLAIR DRIP

[Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are entirely those of the writer. He told us if he doesn’t get his anger out towards these songs sometime soon he may literally just explode. We don’t want to see that happen so we let him do whatever he wants.]

Not every hit song is worth keeping around until the end of time. The future— when dinosaurs roam the Earth once again, but as fully functional mech suits for the human race fights their wars in. Sure there will only be 721 humans remaining on the planet but that doesn’t mean that they all won’t still have their own Spotify Premium accounts. In fact, we can only hope and pray to the music Gods (Kanye West, Michael Jackson, John Lennon and Brian Eno) that the collected database of all the world’s hit songs will be one of the great relics of ancient society. Unfortunately, not every song on that massive playlist will be any good. Some will be one-hit-wonders that have lasted for a hundred and seventy five years and refuse to fade away. Others are never-should-have-beens from right now that has us scratching our heads with confusion.

Before that inevitable future comes to be, we at We Are: The Guard have decided to take it upon ourselves to do a little house cleaning. Let’s Kill These Songs Now, so that the humans fighting for their survival at the dawn of the new millennia won’t have to hear them when they set their iPhone 24s to shuffle during battle. This one is at the tip-top of our list:

"RIC FLAIR DRIP" BY 21 SAVAGE, OFFSET, AND METRO BOOMIN

Someone told 21 Savage he was worth keeping around and he started to believe it, becoming even a bit of an elder statesman to the future kids of hip-hop America. Who asked for that? Team him up with Offset (of Migos) and Metro Boomin— straight up one of the hottest producers in the game, not hate— and it seems like they discovered the magic formula for the unstoppable. Or at least pretty popular. The trio’s collaborative album “Without Warning” dropped last Halloween to solid reviews, but only one single.

Hmmm…. shouldn’t there be more if they were really any good at making songs?

Or is the truth of the matter that their eighties wrestling referencing track was a mere fluke, and the music-loving public really dug their clever reference to the man known as The Nature Boy more than the song itself.

This isn’t a case of maybe this isn’t just for me, this is case of absolute certifiable rubbish.

While I’m grateful that Flair must have got a massive paycheck for this— I mean, his appearance in the video alone— he had to sacrifice his identity to do so. That is all in the past now though, and there is no more money for Flair to make. We must flush this one down the drain, into the graveyard of broken dreams, to make sure no one ever hears it again.

Sure it temporarily re-immortalized a legend of athletic prowess and fashion-style but at what cost?

This track told future rappers that it is okay to steal other people’s catchphrases and make them their own, making innocent ‘Woos’ become a thinly veiled reference to the drip in the back of your throat after an especially good line of coke. Sure, the ‘Woo’ could have multiple meanings, possibly referencing Flair’s exploits with woman, but what the hell else could the drip be? How drippy this song is? Come on, that’s not even a good insult!

After this, I half expect 21 Savage, Offest and Metro Boomin to get back into the studio and try to capitalize on more catchphrases in popular culture. What’s next? “Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba, I’m Lovin’ It?” “Duck Tales Woo-Woo!?” “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”

Come on, let’s nip this one in the drip before it gets any further.

We’re taking “Ric Flair Drip” out back behind the woodshed and putting it out of its misery.

Yeah, yeah I know there will be some sad kids inside, but that’s just part of life.

From deep within the murky depths of the Los Angeles River emerged a creature: 50% raver, 50% comedian, 10% Robotcop. Kurt Kroeber doesn’t own a dog, operates Soundbleed (the world’s only dance party comedy talk show rave), and is down to party with you. Come up some time and say “Hey dude!” But definitely make sure to casually drop the secret Illuminati password.