9 INSTAGRAM MOMENTS: MARIAH CAREY BURIED THE HATCHET
by Calvin Paradise
11/16/18
What is real and what is not is a philosophical question humans have been wrestling with since the dawn of creation. In our digital age this quandary seems more pressing and harder to answer than ever before.
Instagram has only exacerbated this problem. How can we be sure that people are posting their real lives to their timelines and not just a carefully curated version of their best moments? Drake’s last album was almost entirely about this. (Drake, a grownass man, who talks about social media like he’s in middle school.)
Indeed, the question of what is real gets far murkier when you add social media to the equation. Luckily for us, today we’ll be looking at the Insta Accounts of the rich and famous, so 3 Stacks already told us “All this shit is fantasy. For real.”
With that in mind, let’s dive right in.
MARIAH “DROPS BY”
With her new album Caution due out this Friday, Mariah Carey made a completely spontaneous and not at all staged appearance on Radio Andy, in which she buried the hatchet with longtime frenemy Sandra Bernhard.
Some very riveting, unrehearsed things happening here.
Along with her new record, her rendition of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is set to be playing everywhere, all the time for the next 40 days. Oh and Glitter is back in the charts!
The Winter of Mariah is here at long last.
BABY MARIAH’S BABY PIANO
On the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got Ariana Grande sharing some kickass behind the scenes footage of GOAT producer Max Martin teaching her how to play the toy piano part from “no tears left to cry”.
This is the content we need, things that add depth or illuminate the artists we love. Not obviously set up PR Puff pieces.
Keep up the good work Ariana.
THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO THAT MADONNA
Sure she’s the hottest 60 year old alive and her catalog is damn near unimpeachable, but it looks like Madonna has no idea how to consume wine, you guys.
Sad that she has no one in her life willing to stand up to her and let her know when she’s looking like a fool.
Someone please teach this lady how to drink wine.
CARDI B SHOWS YOU HOW DO IT
Unlike the Material Girl above, Cardi B knows how to do things properly. The wouldbe socialist and shoe-in for Hip Hops Rookie of the Year recognizes the importance of family and celebrating with your loved ones.
We should all be fortunate enough to do the same.
WANNA FEEL OLD?
Britney Spears is now a dorky parent with teenage sons who posts off-center pictures and videos to The Gram.
On the real, it’s good to see Britney living her best life with her boys. Seems the Vegas Residency gigs has done wonders for her.
And while Baby One More Time is due to turn 20, she can definitely still get it.
SPEAKING OF TEENS
Billie Eilish out here looking like the kid in high school your parents discouraged you from hanging out with. But don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Sure it looks like Billie watches a lot of anime and other cartoons with a psychotic fanbase, but she also makes incredibile pop songs.
No one’s perfect.
SPEAKING OF LEWKS
GAWDDAMN
Bebe Rexha is hanging out in France and you can guarantee she brought every room she entered to a stand still in this stunning corset by For The Stars Fashion House.
She may claim to be a mess, but her looks consistently betray that sentiment.
ELLIE GOULDING DOES EVERYTHING BETTER
We’ve already got loads of evidence that Ellie Goulding is a better singer and songwriter than you. Her latest collaboration with Diplo and Swae Lee “Close To Me” is further proof, as if any more was needed.
And if her superiority wasn’t evidence enough, it now appears she’s also way better at working out than you. My sides and quads cramped up just watching her rock the TRX system.
Lastly, yes, that is “Close To Me” playing in this post.
ALESSIA SHOOTS, ALESSIA SCORES
After a few dozens viewings of this clip, I’ve decided the lack of context actually makes it better. What more could we possibly need to know than the fact that $120 was on the line for this shot?
TIL that Alessia Cara has ice water in her veins and a silky smooth jump shot.
Calvin Paradise is not any one thing. The half-hearted vagabond and forgetful luddite currently resides in Los Angeles and how he spends his time is none of your damned business.