10 TWITTER MOMENTS: DRUNK TAYLOR SWIFT IS EVERYTHING

by Jess Grant
8/14/19

Between the feral hogs and the fish tube, it's safe to say that it's been a weird freaking week on Twitter!

Anyways, while you were attempting to get to the bottom of these strange-ass memes overtaking your Twitter feed, We Are: The Guard was busy as ever scrolling through the fastest-moving social network for all of the hottest, juiciest celebrity tweets of the last seven days!

This week, we have “10 Twitter Moments” from Taylor Swift, Cardi B, Ariana Grande, Zendaya, Miley Cyrus, and more!

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DRUNK TAYLOR SWIFT IS EVERYTHING

Drunk Taylor Swift is officially the best thing to happen to Twitter since, well, the feral hogs and the fish tube. I'm not even joking when I say that the video of her dancing to “You Need to Calm Down” spoke to me on a personal, spiritual level.

 

CARDI B SPARKS A KETCHUP DEBATE

FACTS, CARDI! I've long held the belief that storing tomato ketchup in the refrigerator is the ultimate culinary sin. Seriously, who wants cold sauce poured all over their fries? ICK!

 

BEBE REXHA HITS BACK AT MUSIC EXECUTIVE

DRAG HIM, BEBE! No, really, what the f*** was this music executive thinking? “Too old to be sexy?” SHE'S 29! Plus, JUST LOOK AT HER! The woman is literally a goddess!

 

KEHLANI HAS THE BEST ASSISTANT EVER

I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING! Jokes aside, this is the purest, most wholesome thing that I've seen all week. Give that assistant a raise, already!

 

LIZZO AND MEGAN THEE STALLION CELEBRATE HOT GIRL SUMMER

Another week, another video of Megan Thee Stallion twerking – this time with help from a certain Melissa “Lizzo” Jefferson. HOT GIRL SUMMER FOREVER, BIATCH!

P.S. I'd give my right kidney for these two to collab.

P.P.S. Why is this such a bop?

 

MIKE POSNER WAS BITTEN BY A RATTLESNAKE

HOLY S***! That rattlesnake really wasn't playing around when it bit Mike Posner! It's awesome to see that the dude is so focused on his recovery, though! Here's hoping that it's only a matter of time before he's back walking again!

 

NORMANI'S UBER EATS FAIL

Normani better give her Uber Eats driver a big-ass tip when he finally arrives at her door with her food in September! And to think that she was probably sitting there hellah pressed at the fact that he was late, LMAO!

 

ARIANA GRANDE HAS PACKING ANXIETY

Ariana Grande is literally me every time that I pack for a vacation. I don't CARE that I'm only leaving the house for a week – I'm going to take 24 pairs of shoes, 12 evening dresses, and my entire underwear collection if it kills me.

 

ZENDAYA'S AWKWARD EMO PHASE IS GIVING ME LIFE

If there's one thing that I've learned from writing this column, it's this: TWITTER NEVER FORGETS! Let's be honest, though, who DIDN'T go through that awkward emo phase in their teen years? Extra points for those deep-fried selfies!

 

MILEY CYRUS TWEETS AFTER BREAKUP

Are you tryna kill me with that caption, Miley? My heart literally can't take much more! RIP, LILEY! LOVE IS DEAD!

P.S. Bring on the breakup album!

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Don't forget to follow We Are: The Guard on Twitter for more! x

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Jess Grant is a frustrated writer hailing from London, England. When she isn't tasked with disentangling her thoughts from her brain and putting them on paper, Jess can generally be found listening to The Beatles, or cooking vegetarian food.